Essays, Interviews, Observations, Pop Culture, Stories, and other Dodginess

April Fool’s – The Joke is on WXRT

Posted on April 18, 2013

What was that line by Death in Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life? Something like, “You Englishmen…you’ve got no balls.” That’s how I feel, not so much about Englishmen at the moment, but about WXRT 93.1-FM, “Chicago’s Finest Classic Rock.” For those not from the Chicago area, this station, every April Fools’ Day, pulls a mostly unfunny prank on its aging listener base.

This year the station announced it would be playing its entire music catalogue from A to Z, a format that would take it through sometime around Memorial Day. Well they started to do it, but pulled the musical rug on its listeners about half-way through the day. I think they realized if they actually did go A to Z it meant only being able to play David Bowie’s “China Girl” once in a few months. It’s unfortunate ‘XRT didn’t have the sack to pull it off. During the brief time they teased us, I heard some good songs that rarely if ever get airplay on terrestial radio.

I read something from one media critic who said had they followed through with the A to Z it would have amounted to a (risky) format change. I don’t see how since these are songs that they’ve played at one time or another, if only once or twice.

I’m not going to get into ‘XRT’s lazy and tired (like some of its DJs?) format. I’ve done that before. And it depresses me. But why should it? My neighbor’s kid, Little Scotty, stopped by the other day while I was sitting on my flat’s porch pondering ‘XRT and unimaginative Chicago radio.

“But Liffey, why do you give a shit?”

Little Scotty is right. When I’m at home working and writing I always have 98.1-FM KABC “Radio Free Santa Fe” tuned in on my computers. They’ve got the playlist ‘XRT should have. I also have my Pandora settings, which include a Hooverphonic station. Unfortunately it doesn’t play a lot of Hooverphonic (damn licensing), but I’ve added and have discovered other great music on it.

Most of the people I know or talked with – those who enjoy quality, original music; those who attend local music festivals like Pitchfork – they don’t listen to terrestrial radio. But maybe they would if there was a station worth listening too.

In the latest Chicago radio ratings, WXRT wasn’t even in the top 17 in overall listeners. Several classic rock stations finished above them, and the fear is that ‘XRT will play more classic rock than it already does. I think they need to go the route of KABC, which doesn’t beat a listener over the ass with tired classic rock songs.

WXRT has its moments. This morning, for instance, they had Steve Earle in studio. Interestingly, however, is they don’t play a lot Earle songs (And I would have asked Earle about his role on Treme and the song he wrote for the show, “This City”).

To close out, our new favorite song is Harper Simon’s “Bonnie Brae.” Oh – and happy Record Store Day.

The Asshole Book Club

Posted on April 11, 2013

The Asshole Book Club wasn’t your traditional book club. The Assholes didn’t all choose one book, read it on their own, and then return as a group to discuss it. That never happened. The Asshole Book Club would get together, drink some beers, and talk about something we read recently – whether it was a magazine article, love letter, diary entry, album/DVD linear notes or an actual book. The only rule was it had to be non-Web material.

The Asshole Book Club was led by Chicago reclusive author Clive Javanski. In fact, I believe the name stems from a time when we were helping Clive set up a booth at a local festival.

“Well look there, it’s the asshole book club.” I think it was Beer Belly Bob who said it. It was the only time I’ve seen Beer Belly outside of Mickey’s Tavern.

So along with Clive, and myself, the assholes were made up of the following core: Spider, Cookie Roy, Norm, Shea, Dr. Belz, and English Dave. Sometimes a random female would join us. Usually it was one of our friends or girlfriends. One, who I called Kat, had improbable curls and was a DePaul cheerleader.

When we gathered it was at Clive’s Bucktown apartment. But one time we went to Shea’s, in Wrigleyville. I remember it being so small that when you got off the toilet in the bathroom your ass would rub against the sink. Examples of the books/readings we discussed: Mammals of the Northern Rockies, What Would Buffy Do?, Slacks in The Barn, Hide This Spanish Book, and Whores on The Hill. Spider once brought Motor Trend magazine. The cheerleader brought an essay she wrote called “Melody of Industry” that fused electronic body music and a college girl who enjoyed sexual foreplay with strangers. One of my favorites was an essay by Clive entitled “Sloe Gin.” It was about Clive and his friends playing the drinking game Quarters with sloe gin. Clive wrote that he wore a tight Smiths “Hatful of Hollow” T-shirt during the game. One of the selections I discussed at the Asshole Book Club was “Fucking & Punching.” This was the fictional novel written by David Duchovony’s Hank Moody character in “Californication” that was stolen and taken credit for by Mia, that nefarious Lolita.

Most of the time the Asshole Book Club turned into the Asshole Poker Club. We’d play traditional poker but make up some games as well, such as one called “Clive’s Mother’s Dog.” We’d always have what we called The Bad Beer Hand. The worst loser of this hand would have to drink a single can of bad beer that one designated Asshole brought to the game. I used to find mine at a nearby liquor store that stocked a big barrel with single shitty cans of beer. One of the hardest beers to go down in this game was Meister Brau.

Our tradition was that after the meeting of the Asshole Book Club we’d head to a nearby pub such as Mickey’s, The Web, Liar’s Club, Quenchers, or The Mutiny – home of the half pitchers of beer. It’s where I’m off to now.

Girlfriend in Ghana

Posted on April 5, 2013

Friends of mine in Chicago have an associate who I’ll call Spider and is probably the nicest guy you’ll ever meet. He doesn’t have a mean bone in his body. He’s the definition of a blue-collar worker, minus any assholeness. He’s a dockworker who can also work on cars. A true monkey wrench, this Spider. He fixes anything. He’s also part of our “Asshole Book Club” that was formed by Chicago reclusive author Clive Javanski several years ago. But more on that later.

Spider has been catfished. Spider has been catfished long before catfish was the word to describe being catfished.

You see, at the moment Spider is having Internet relations with an attractive white girl in Ghana. That’s right. Ghana. Which I just read is somewhere on par with North Korea as far as economy goes. Maybe that’s why “she” is asking Spider for money.

Spider met “Yancy” through one of those suspicious Internet dating sites. It may have been Asian Friend Finders. She sent him pictures of herself. In them she looks like any white twenty-something ex-sorority girl who drinks a few beers at a Wrigleyville party on the weekend. Yet she lives in Ghana. It’s possible, I suppose. I think less than 10 percent of the population of this West African country is of white descent. And pretty much everyone speaks English. I have not heard her voice, but Spider has and he says it sounds “weird and high” – almost like she’s on helium.

Anyway, let me cut through the catfish and get down to details. Spider talks to “her” on the Internet several times a week. I was there when one of these conversations went down.

Apparently this Yancy girl has a fetish in which she has Spider take out his money, lay it down on the floor, take a picture of it and send it to her on Yahoo Messenger. She also wants him to send her an iPad. I witnessed the exchange on the computer where she asks Spider to stuff some money in the iPad when he mails it to her at some P.O. Box.

He’s seriously considering doing it and I think he will. And this comes after Spider has been ripped off already by a catfisher. Not long ago, he tells me, he met another girl online who lived, coincidentally – in Ghana. He sent her money for a plane ticket to O’Hare airport so she could visit him. He went there to pick her up and surprise! She wasn’t there.

“She’s white, but she’s black,” Spider once said of this girl. I’m not entirely sure what that means, but I like it. It’s one of many incredulous comments Spider vomits up.

Spider says he may visit Ghana. This Yancy hasn’t been to keen on that idea. Of course, because the gig would be up. Either that or she (he, they) would do something more nefarious to Spider and no one would ever see him again. And I can’t let that happen because I’d lose my mechanic. We try to talk to him about this, but he doesn’t listen. He is unaware that this scam is widespread. Ladies and gentlemen, people (suckers) like this truly exist. Hell, I’m almost thinking of setting up a fake something and having Spider send me stuff to a P.O. Box.