A Chicago Walmart closed its doors early on Saturday due to too much exposed skin by its customers. The 1 p.m. announcement was brought on by unseasonably warm December weather in which temperatures reached nearly 60. Walmart spokesman Gerard Slingman said an onslaught of weight-challenged shoppers in tank tops and sweat shorts at the North Avenue store was too much to bare this time of year. “On the bright side, all the employees who bitched about working on Thanksgiving now have some time off,” he said.
Randy John, visiting from England, said the announcement caused quite the “kerfuffle” when it was made. John said he was shocked by the dodgy number of armpit rolls spilling out of tank tops, mainly from women, but in a way was “turned on by them.”
“On the bright side, all the employees who bitched about working on Thanksgiving now have some time off”
Wendy Lousceter, of Lincoln Park, said she was surprised to find the store closing early when she stopped by to purchase a holiday scrunchie for her daughter’s party. “I’ve seen this sort of thing in Indiana Walmarts, but not here,” she said. “I don’t know. Maybe there is something going on around here and these are people from out there.”
It turns out a contingent of Hoosiers were bussed in for a holiday gnome hunt at a nearby park.
Slingman said they expected to open on time Sunday and stay open. “You never know though,” he said.
The Dodgy 