Essays, Interviews, Observations, Pop Culture, Stories, and other Dodginess

She Asked For A Ride, I Said No

Posted on January 2, 2014
She Asked For A Ride, I Said No

So on the first day of 2014 a girl asked me for a ride and I said no.

I drove down to Gary, Indiana, to help someone with a documentary he’s working on. It was a quiet, wintry day in murder city. I got lost while looking for an address and was deciding whether or not to turn onto 5th Avenue when on that street a bundled up black girl started running towards me waving her arm. I rolled down my window as she drew closer and asked me if I could give her a ride to Broadway (several blocks down 5th). I said I couldn’t, that I wasn’t going that way and was late for something. And I apologized. She shrugged and went on her way.

A couple of things:

  • I probably should not have even rolled down the window as she came up to my vehicle and just drove off.
  • I don’t even think I’d trust an old, one-legged woman in this blighted city and it’s high murder-per-capita rate.
  • She either simply wanted a ride, that she was late to catch a bus, and does this frequently – ask strangers for a lift.
  • She planned to shiv me once she got in the car.
  • She had a male partner or two lurking around ready to pounce on some sucker who stopped to assist a girl.
  • She wanted a ride, but would have asked for money in exchange for sexual favors on the way.
  • She wanted a ride, but would have asked for sexual favors with no money changing hands because I’m that alluring. 
  • If she was holding a six-pack of a good craft beer, I’d probably take her anywhere.

Now had I been in Bucktown or Lincoln Park, and some Anne Hathaway-looking gal with the Catwoman hair was running towards me asking for a lift – you bet I’d give her one. That’s just the way it is.

I wonder if that girl was anyone else she came across for a ride. With the weather and the holiday, it was pretty quiet out there. Assuming she lives right there in murder city, why would she ask a total stranger if she could enter his car? Is it my innocent, good-looking Irish looks that did it? The fact I drive a Jeep? A Jeep is very welcoming to the female population.

Once, while at the University of Illinois, a coed in a band uniform saw me stopped and asked for a lift to the game. I gave her one. And met up with her later that night. You know how a cheerleading uniform can make any girl look good (almost)? I used to say put the hottest girl in a band outfit and her shape will become distorted and unsightly. Not so much with U of I girl. (And no, I didn’t let her put her instrument in the bad place. Not that night, anyway).

Either way, the year begins for yours truly with a gal asking to get in my Jeep with me. I’ll take that as a good sign of things to come for 2014.

(Coming next: You’re The Weird Girl, I’m The Asshole)

Women of the Year

Posted on December 27, 2013
The Dodgy's Women of the Year 2013

The first annual Dodgy Awards honors three women of 2013 who made their mark with beauty, passion, talent, and in at least two cases, controversy. Other year-end awards in various areas are also featured. And so, here are the 2013 Dodgys. 

The Women of the Year

Nadia of “Pussy Riot”

Nadia Pussy Riot Women of the YearNadezhda “Nadia” Tolokonnikova of the all-female Russian punk activist group Pussy Riot was recently released from prison after serving nearly two years for “hooliganism.” Fellow Riot member Maria “Masha” Aloykhina was released on the same day. The entire lineup of the Pussy girls could have all been Women of the Year. (“Deranged Vaginas” – The Dodgy)

Syrian Girl   

"Mimi Al Laham"There’s a great line from M*A*S*H in which Hawkeye Pierce tells Margaret ‘Hot Lips’ Houlihan  that “you’re angry when you’re beautiful.” That’s kind of how I feel about Syrian Girl, also known as @Partisangirl. She’s described herself as a “Syrian patriot and Sunni Muslim from Damascus, anti-neocon, anti-NWO, anti-Zionist.” I believe her real name is Mimi Al Laham, and she’s become a well-known spokeswoman for peace in Syria. Her passion bursts through on her Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube accounts as well in interviews and at rallies. I requested an interview with her but have not heard back. I want to know what kind of music she likes, what’s her idea of a perfect date and if she drinks,  prefers beer from the pint or bottle? She must have another side to her. I scared of her, but in a good way.

Emma Gray “The Shepherdess”

Emma Gray Women of the Year The DodgyEmma Gray this year became the first woman to win the Northumberland Sheepdog Trials League in its four-decade history. Gray runs a farm in Britain and last year published a book One Girl and Her Dog. That’s when she was dubbed ‘Britain’s loneliest shepherdess’ and was apparently looking for love. I believe she’s since found it, but if not, the prize for being named a “Women of the Year” on The Dodgy is a date with yours truly. 

And Now The Rest Of The Dodgys.

  • Movie of the Year: Drinking Buddies
  • TV Show of the Year: Treme
  • Song of the Year: “Should Be Higher” by Depeche Mode
  • Song of the Year #2: “Afraid” by The Neighbourhood
  • Bartender of the Year (Chicago): Steven at Cleo’s (1935 W. Chicago Ave.)
  • Beer of the Year: Space by Half Acre
  • Dude of the Year: Pope Francis
Treme TV show of the year 2013
HBO’s “Treme”

WXRT pens “Christmas China Girl”

Posted on December 20, 2013

Because David Bowie wouldn’t do it

Chicago’s WXRT-FM/93.1 can’t get enough of the China Girl.

The song was released by David Bowie on his 1983 smash hit album “Let’s Dance” and reached No. 2 on the U.K. singles chart and No. 10 on Billboard.

Since then it’s become the most widely played song on “Chicago’s Finest Rock,” sometimes airing three times per hour.

During the last few years, however, ‘XRT has encountered a problem – during its seasonal “Holiday Nights” in which the station plays all Yule tunes every night of the 12 days leading up to Christmas –  hours worth of music were devoid of “China Girl.”

The station tried to convince Bowie to pen a holiday version of the song, but his reply was “no.”

So this year, led by morning DJ Lin Brehmer, staffers at the classic rock station have decided to write and record their own version, “Christmas China Girl.”

“We just thought it was necessary,” Brehmer said. “The last few years during those 12 nights – we just felt something was missing. Then it hit us – where was the China Girl?”

Lyrics from ‘XRT’s holiday version of “China Girl”

I feel warm inside, like a Heat Miser/when I look at my Christmas China Girl
I stumble in town just like sacred elf/visions of snowflakes in my head
My little Christmas China Girl
And when I get my presents/my little Christmas China Girl says
Oh Santa just you put these cookies in your mouth

Musicians on the record include former Smashing Pumpkins bassist D’arcy and Chicago Cubs broadcaster Len Kasper.

The song made its debut Friday and will receive regular play not only during “Holiday Nights” but every day.

And there’s even more good news. This year marks the first time during “Holiday Nights” that ‘XRT is mixing in its regular, all-too-familiar classic songs with the Christmas tunes.

“So now you can still hear the regular version of ‘China Girl’ alongside ‘Christmas China Girl,’ ” Brehmer said.

‘XRT’s next project? Coming up with a holiday version of INXS’ “Devil Inside.”

WXRT pens Christmas China Girl

Christmas China Girl…just you shut your stocking