I was certain the In Memoriam segment of Sunday’s Academy Awards broadcast would include Anne Hathaway’s hair. If you were watching Charlize Theron dance on stage, from a distance on a non high-definition TV, you might have thought – just for a moment – that it was Dame Judi Dench. I’ll call her Charlie until the hair comes back.  I didn’t see Michelle Williams or Carey Mulligan at the Oscars, but I’m sure them and their pixie cuts were close by.

What’s with all these pixie cuts on actresses and on women in general? I realize a lot of it has to do with a film role, like Anne’s in Les Miserables. But Jesus, has anyone’s hair taken so long to grow? Her locks were beautiful in The Dark Knight Rises. And that scene of her on the toilet in Rachel Getting Married  would have been more disgusting with her little bob cut.

Anne Hathaway

Remembering Anne Hathaway’s long locks (Photo credit: Horustr4n)

Supposedly Charlize lopped off her hair for her role in Mad Max 4. If that’s the case I question the production of that film. Actually, I question the production of it regardless of her hair length. I don’t know the excuse for Williams or Mulligan. They’ve had short hair for a long time. And sure, they keep getting film roles. But if the crop top was so adorably sexy, why would the producers of Oz the Great and Powerful give Williams a wig for her role as the good witch Glinda?

The one movie role William’s short hair was suited for was in Take This Waltz. Because her character was a wacko. She’s pretending to need a wheelchair at the airport, pissing in a pool, staring at old ladies’ bodies in the shower. Not knowing how her own shower works.

Michelle Williams 2012 Shankbone 2

Wig it! Michelle Williams (Photo credit: david_shankbone)

You know who still has long hair? Kristen Stewart. She has to. She was just voted worst actress. She can’t afford to go cutting her hair now. Not yet. And then there’s Merida from Brave. What an amazing little independent heroine princess. And that gorgeous long, memorable red Scottish hair. The movie won the Oscar for Best Animated Film. Her hair should have won another.

Brave Movie

Brave Movie (Photo credit: Michelle O’Connell)

My favorite hair from the Oscars: Adele, Jessica Chastain, Kerry Washington, and Naomi Watts.