Essays, Interviews, Observations, Pop Culture, Stories, and other Dodginess

Six Movies That Should Be Made But Probably Won’t

Posted on December 2, 2013

There are so many movies that should have never been made. Then there are movies that should be made, but probably won’t. Here are six of them.

A sequel to The Brothers McMullen.

Sequel to The Brothers McMullen

Say it ain’t so, Mr. Burns.
Photo: Evan Agostini/Invision for Chase Sapphire/AP Images)

The Brothers McMullen director/writer/star Edward Burns planned to do a follow-up to that 1995 gem, one of my personal favorites, and it seemed to be getting on track until October when Burns tweeted that he “threw out” the sequel idea because he didn’t like any ideas of where the characters would be after 20 years. Instead, he plans to do a prequel, which is fine, but it means we won’t see that Irish-American chemistry between the McMullen Brothers – Burns, Mike McGlone, and that other guy – from the original movie. I’m confident a prequel could be a fine film. But what I like best about Edward Burns movies is that they star Edward Burns. I find it hard to believe he can’t come up with a logical and entertaining story for the three adult McMullens. Last year’s fantastic The Fitzgerald Family Christmas is an example of how he can wrap a story around “Brothers.”

I know he’s been getting a lot of support on Twitter and such for his prequel idea. But this reminds me of The Year Without a Santa Claus. Remember when Santa decided to take a year off, and the entire world supported him? There was that one little girl who wouldn’t have it. Remember she sang “Blue Christmas” and cried when she heard the news? That’s me with The Brothers McMullen. I’m that little girl.

Buffy

Buffy movie

I wonder what Buffy The Vampire Slayer would be doing today. A film about it wouldn’t be an action blockbuster, but more of an indie film with Buffy, in her 30s, retired as there are no more vampires, hell holes, demons, or whatever. Well, not really. Maybe there is one more vampire who seeks her out. She might have kids, and maybe has to “save her daughter” in this proposed movie. Or she could just be alone somewhere, maybe in solitude in a coastal village, when evil comes knocking. I wouldn’t even have any of the other cast members in this. And if you have to add one or two, make it a small but pivotal role kind of like Mitch Pileggi (Skinner) had in The X-Files: I Want To Believe. Giles? Faith? And then if there is  sequel you can bring more of the gang back.

Another Batman with Michael Keaton

Another Batman with Michael Keaton

An aging Batman. Maybe, like Buffy, he has to come out of retirement. I know there are some comics/animated series that depicts older Batman. You could use one of those stories. I wouldn’t mind seeing Keaton’s Batman directed by a Christopher Nolan type (or Nolan himself). Villain? Maybe Harley Quinn. Or a better Riddler than the one from Batman Forever.

Dirty Harry 6

Dirty Harry sequel

What would Dirty Harry be like today? Kind of like Clint Eastwood’s character in Gran Torino. In fact, with a little editing, that script could easily have been turned into a Dirty Harry film.

Beer Girl

Brit Marling in "Beer Girl"

Brit Marling is a Chicago brewer obsessed with coming up with the perfect ale in this dramedy. The craft beer industry is growing like ass and now is the perfect time for a film or two about it (I got this idea from Joe Swanberg’s recent Drinking Buddies).

Jane

Jane Byrne film

Cate Blanchett as Chicago’s first female mayor?

A movie based on Jane Byrne’s  term as Chicago’s first female mayor. No city as large as Chicago has yet to have a female mayor. Some crazy shit happened during her tenure. The Chicago Firefighters strike happened under her watch (family members of mine were involved in that). I think this could be an entertaining and interesting film.

Bonus Film

Stakeout 3

Because why the hell not?

 

12 Days of Christmas for the Guy

Posted on November 27, 2013
12 Days of Dodgy Christmas

This is written several years ago (before The Dodgy) as a companion piece to a “12 Days of Christmas for the Girl.” Can’t locate  the gal version, but in comparison her final total in dollars for the 12 days of gifts was in the millions.

 

I’m easy, I don’t need much. Some of the stuff on the original list sounds kind of annoying. Twelve drummers drumming? Too noisy.
Four calling birds? My friend has a bird, and it bit me. There certainly is a lot of wildlife in that original list.
Here is mine:
On the first day of Christmas, Santa gave to me: A true love.
You need one to really do this. Then, from here on, she can provide me with next 11 days’ worth! (Oh, and Santa, how about a cross between the kindness of a Disney princess, the butt-kicking moves of Buffy, the comic wit of Sarah Silverman and the confidence of Jodie Foster?) Priceless.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Two funky beanies. Made by Moosejaw, these fashionable Outdoor Research Igloo Beanies will keep my head warm for future Christmases. $19 each.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Three DVD collections: 1) “Twin Peaks — The Definitive Gold Box Collection” ($69.99), featuring a pre-“X-Files” David Duchovny, the beautiful Madchen Amick and “Windom Earle,” one of the most delightfully psychotic TV villains of all time; 2) “M*A*S*H” ($19.99 for each of the first three seasons only — because after the departure of Trapper John and Henry Blake the show flatlined); and 3) “Band of Brothers” ($41.99), as it’s “Saving Private Ryan — The Mini-Series.”
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Four for-sale signs. I’m letting my friend Spider have this one. He has at least four vehicles on his property he needs to get rid of. $5.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Five Go-Gos gigging. It may be hard to land this legendary all-girl pop/rock group for a private gig, but true love can score me a ticket to their show Jan. 30 at Chicago’s House of Blues. $46.50.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Six hand-grenade drinks from New Orleans Forget the Hurricane. These concoctions have what my friend Mosquito calls “a time-delayed release.” $5.50-$7.50.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love game to me: Seven books in binding. Who doesn’t love books? $4.99-$24.99 each.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: Eight pairs of Doc Martens. Because I’m like an industrial, male version of “Sex and the City’s” Carrie Bradshaw. $85-$120.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Nine ladies dancing. I decided to keep this one from the original carol. According to PNC Wealth Management, it’s about $4,700 per performance.
On the 10th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 10 club box infield seats at Wrigley Field for 10 different Cubs games. I’ll sit behind home plate, promising not to emulate those idiots waving at the camera while on their cell phones. $700 — more if she goes through a scalper.
On the 11th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 11 cases of Diet Pepsi. The truest way to my heart. $4.99 each when on sale at local grocery stores.
On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: 12 more days of Christmas! Priceless.

Holy “Mama” – An Interview with Javier Botet

Posted on November 22, 2013

Filmmaker Guillermo del Toro is keeping Javier Botet pretty busy these days.

Interview with Javier Botet picture

Earlier this year the Spanish actor played “Mama” alongside arguably the No. 1 actress in Hollywood today, Jessica Chastain, in Mama, which was produced by del Toro.  Botet is currently part of two new del Toro projects. The film Crimson Peak reunites him with Chastain and also stars Sons of Anarchy‘s Charlie Hunham. The other is del Toro’s upcoming television series The Strain.

How did you come to be in Mama?

I was in Fantastic Fest in Austin introducing REC2 (a movie Botet is in) and I met (Mama director) Andy Muschietti. He proposed me to be Mama.
How was it working with Guillermo del Toro? 

Last week I was again in Toronto (the place we shoot Mama) and we were working on his new series. For a long time ago I wanted to work with him, and in Mama I met a very passionate Guillermo, with a lot of projects in his mind. He was gentle and happy with the work he saw we were doing in Mama. Now I’m happy to work again with him. It’s a dream come true.

And Jessica Chastain? She is arguably the No. 1 actress in Hollywood. I saw the behind-the-scenes video where she kisses you on the cheek. I’m jealous. 

Jessica is as beautiful as she is adorable. I love her. We had a lot of good moments to remember in Mama. I think the reason she is in the top of projects is not only that she is an excellent actress, she is an incredible sweet and good person. A pleasure to work with.

How different, if it was, was working on Mama compared to anything else you’ve done? 

A big project, with these people, the American Industry. It was intense, hard, and great. Everything was different and special compared with anything else I’ve done. Now I hope nonstop to be working in that way.

Interview: Javier Botet "Mama"

Javier Botet as “Mama”

Have you lived in Spain your entire life? 

Yes. In a lot of different places of Spain.

Are you single and do you like to go out and enjoy a beer or anything? 

Yes, I’m single and my entire youth was spent enjoying time with friends, but these times I’m trying to be more responsible and take more care and use my energy in cinema. It makes me happier

Botet has a genetic disorder, Marfan Syndrome, in which people who have it tend to be very tall with a slender body and long limbs and fingers. Botet can move his joints as he wishes, which is why “Mama” in Mama was more Botet than CGI

Was it difficult being a child with your condition – were you bothered by any other children? How did you get started in performing arts? 

Yes. You know in childhood it is difficult to be different. I spent long times in hospitals and it was complicated, but it made me know how strong I can be, and it helped me to get my wills. A long time ago I started to shoot my little short with my own cam with friends, but in 2005 came my first professional work. I visited an FX make up workshop and took a look at what else the teacher was doing outside of classes. He was working for movies and then I offered myself for work and have them take benefit of my peculiar body. That was my first work, a humanoid in a movie by Brian Yuzna (Beneath Still Waters).  A bad movie but one of my most memorable experiences.

What kind of music do you enjoy?

 I have a very eclectic criteria: Michael Jackson, Queen, Keaton Henson, The Presidents of the USA, The Tallest Man on Earth, Journey, and a lot of Spanish classics like Camilo Sexto and José Luis Perales.  Backstreet Boys, a lot of romantic classics, Peter Cetera’s greatest hits, Metallica, Guns N’ Roses, The Beatles, Beach Boys, Eminem, Morricone.

What are you working on now? 

I’m working on two projects with Guillermo del Toro as you can see in IMDB and waiting on the green light for another big project in London. Meanwhile, I’m drawing and designing a video game – I’m  an  illustrator too ( www.botetart.blogspot.com), and I’m preparing personal projects. I’ve just directed a low-cost movie with some friends called Al Final Todos Mueren – At The End Everybody Dies (www.alfinaltodosmueren.com).

Javier Botet interview

Javier Botet and Jessica Chastain from a “behind-the-scenes” clip on the Mama DVD.