Essays, Interviews, Observations, Pop Culture, Stories, and other Dodginess

Tim Doyle Entertains Me

Posted on March 28, 2013

I have no idea when it’s on, and I don’t watch it, but there’s a cable show in Chicago called “Sports Talk Live.” Last week its guests included Tim Doyle of the Big Ten Network and Comcast Chicago Bulls analyst Kendall Gill. There was an argument during the show about a Bulls call and what followed was a case of violent grab ass as Gill ended up punching Doyle in the hallway afterwards. Gill has been suspended from his job. Doyle has not. And some people have been critical of Doyle…the Doyle haters are out there. One ChicagoNow blogger compares Doyle to one of those people who make you wonder “how do they have a job?” Basically he calls Doyle “bland/boring and “annoying/irritating.” He also criticizes comments Doyle has made, including one about Northwestern University’s basketball offense and how “at times they could put a glass eye to sleep.”

“The glass eye comment is one of hundreds of useless things he’s said on air,” said the writer.

I disagree. That comment is genius. I wish I thought of it. I could really care less about college basketball, which is Doyle’s forte. Who do I root for in the NCAA tournament? Easy – which ever team has the coolest cheerleaders. But here’s the thing about Doyle. When he talks about college basketball – I’ll listen. He’s funny and interesting. I won’t seek out and watch the show he’s on, but I’ve heard him quite a bit on Chicago’s sports station, WSCR-AM 670 “The Score.”  To me that’s what makes a great host – someone who will grab you as a listener even though you know nothing or could care less about the topic. I once did some freelance sports writing. I was good. My editor was a woman who hated sports. She gave me a compliment I’ll never forget.

“I don’t like reading sports articles, but I like reading your sports articles,” she said. I won’t spend 10 minutes listening to a broadcast on college basketball (unless it’s about the cheerleaders), but I’ll spend those minutes if it’s Doyle discussing it.

Charles Barkley gets some criticism for his role as analyst for the NCAA tournament because he doesn’t follow or know enough about it. But most fans enjoy it because he’s entertaining. And that’s how I feel about Doyle. I’ve heard Doyle as a fill-in host on The Score before where he offered commentary on other sports. And unlike Barkley, he seemed to know something about it. He’s funny. He’s enthusiastic. He’s not one of those bland, homogenized broadcasters. He has his own identity.

Another criticism of Doyle came via a tweet by Chicago’s ABC news affiliate sports anchor Mark Giangreco.

Mark Giangreco Twitter

I remember when local news sports anchors used to be the big poo. Maybe they still are. To me, sports radio is where it’s at. I think there’s another reason people like Giangreco are disenchanted with Doyle. He’s a native New Yorker. You don’t even have to look it up. You can hear it in his Long Island accent, which probably annoys some people. A lot of Chicagoans have an unnecessary  jealousy and hatred of New York. Most New Yorkers just don’t give a shit the other way.

Bottom Line: If I’m a program director of a sports radio station, I’m hiring someone like Doyle for a shift. He entertains me.

“At times they could put a glass eye to sleep”

Tim Doyle Big Ten Network

Tim Doyle

Charlie Manson’s Cell Phone

Posted on March 27, 2013

A follower of imprisoned douchebag killer Charles Manson tried to smuggle a cell phone to him the other day. Apparently this has happened before, successfully, and resulted in Charlie texting a bunch of people. My friend and I riffed online about what those texts could say, why Mr. Manson would want a phone, or just random thoughts.

Hello, Charlie? Is that you? Wait. Let me put you on speaker.

I wonder if he has the T-Mobile 5 friends plan.

I hope he doesn’t butt dial.

Hello? Yes I will kill for you.

I think he just wants to make some Jerky Boys-style crank calls (“I’ll wrap your head in a wrench”).

Is your refrigerator running? Well chase it down and stab it to death!

He keeps asking if Squeaky is here? Do you know a Squeaky? Is there a Squeaky here?

Facetime with Charlie.

I wonder if he has unlimited sexting?

Call me maybe.

What kind of hummingbird does the mambo?

He just wants someone to discuss “Girls” with.

If I was there right now I’d bash you over the head with this phone.

The devil always shaves his head, and knows how to conserve battery life.

Squeaky Fromme and Charles Manson with cell phone

Squeaky Fromme working the phones.

The Oar

Posted on March 24, 2013

Once upon a time I helped Chicago recluse author Clive Javanski move some stuff into a storage room at a facility around Ashland and Armitage.

And I found an oar. I was reminded of the oar after previewing the upcoming interview with “Two Girls and a Boat.” Clive let me keep the big wooden oar. It wasn’t his. Someone must have left it in the room, or little garage thing. I didn’t really have a need for it, but I wanted it. I would add it to the decor of my home. Then I kind of forgot about it after a move or two, and it ended up in my own storage – whether that meant the laundry room corner of my 3-flat, the garage, or attic. For awhile I kept it in “the first room,” which is what I called the entry way one first entered through the door. This was a basement apartment of mine and it was under the porch stairs and completely concrete and prone to dampness. Along with the oar, I had hanging on the wall the 12-inch EP cover for Sinead O’Connor and Karen Finley’s recording of “Jump in The River” and some other musical trinkets.

I’ve yet to have the oar in the water. I don’t have a boat, for one thing. But after hearing the “Two Girls and a Boat” story I’d like to think this oar had its share of adventures on several bodies of water.  So now I’m taking snaps of it in various places on land, beginning with Senior Citizens Memorial Park in Bucktown.

Boat Oar in Chicago

The Oar at Senior Citizens Memorial Park in Bucktown

Senior Citizens Memorial Park in Bucktown, Chicago