Essays, Interviews, Observations, Pop Culture, Stories, and other Dodginess

She’s Not Heavy, She’s My Lover

Posted on February 13, 2013

As soon as I saw Hannah on Girls enter the rich, handsome doctor’s brownstone I said, “Oh shit.” I knew what was coming. The wrath of critics who found it unbelievable, unsavory, that Patrick Wilson’s character could be attracted to “the fat girl.”

Lena Dunham in "Girls"

photo/Jessica Miglio/HBO

I don’t consider Lena Dunham to be fat, but that’s what the naysayers of the “One Man’s Trash” episode are really thinking. I’m not going to regurgitate the “jump the shark” reviews but the one with the most common sense does, and it’s at Jezebel. I’m just here to say that handsome lads like myself can dig a gal with a little girth. I didn’t for an instant find Hannah’s hook-up with the good doctor unrealistic. Anyone who does – I’m not sure what life they’ve been living or experiences they’ve had. I didn’t even find Hannah’s naked Ping-Pong play a disbelief. I know girls who’ve done more unusual things in the buff.

‘Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go ’round’ – Queen

I think Hannah Horvath is sexy. It’s not to say I’m attracted to her. I find all four girls on Girls to be attractive, but I’m not necessarily attracted to them. I have strange tastes. I do like pretty girls with flaws. I’m not into big boobs or big butts. Even though I might not sleep with Hannah (I wouldn’t pull away if she kissed me), I know plenty of successful gentleman who would. And not only would they sleep with her, they’d date her.

My friend, Chicago recluse author Clive Javanski, would definitely do both with Hannah. He’s told me so. Although his biggest crush is Natasha McElhone of Californication. He’s also fond of Margo Martindale, formerly of Justified and now The Americans. Clive once went on a blind date he arranged through a Chicago Reader matches add. It turns out she was “monstrous.” But that’s because she was really a he – or something like that. They went out to eat for tacos and Clive couldn’t get over her big hands.

And Hannah…I can’t wait to see who you’re gonna bang next.

Criticism of ‘Girls’ has Jumped The Shark

Posted on February 10, 2013
HBO's "Girls"

Alex Karpovsky and Lena Dunham in the HBO series Girls. (Photo credit: JoJo Whilden/HBO)

Criticism of HBO’s Girls jumped the shark a few weeks ago when 70s basketball player and Airplane co-star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar weighed in with his commentary.
And then this critique of Girls was penned by Huff Post Assistant TV Editor Leigh Weingus, who wonders about puppies, apartment leases, apartment keys, and where money comes from.
I thought it’s time I weigh in on the matter. Here’s what bothers me about the fictional show.

  • When Hannah and Elijah hosted that party, how come none of the neighbors called the police because of the noise?
  • There has yet to be a song featured by Depeche Mode. The band is from Britain, but c’mon, they’ve played in New York before. You’d think there’d be one song by them in the background, somewhere.
  • How is it possible that all four friends have names that are alliterative – Hannah Horvath, Marnie Michaels, Shoshanna Shapiro, and Jessa Johansson?
  • There are a lot of Asians in New York and as far as I can tell I’ve only seen one – that girl from Hannah’s work in the pilot episode, who wanted a vitamin water and Luna bar. Is she the same girl who plays Asian Annie in Community?
  • Why has there been no scene set in the Hotel Pennsylvania? It’s a New York icon. I’ve seen it in other films, including Edward Burns’ Newlyweds. I stayed there once and had a bad bathroom experience. Why has it not been seen in Girls?
  • I haven’t seen one cheerleader on the show. Not even in the background. What, there are no cheerleaders in New York?
  • Hanging out with friends in New York and not taking in a Yankees game is ridiculous and just plain unrealistic. Have our four friends been there yet? You think at least Ray and Adam would have been there.
  • Isn’t Louis C.K. in Brooklyn somewhere? Where’s he at?
  • And how about that heavyset biker from Sons of Anarchy? I’ve seen him on every other show. I can’t believe he has yet to appear on Girls. I’m not buying that.
Christopher Douglas Reed "Sons of Anarchy"

I’m on every show now (collider.com)

Who Should Be The Next Super Bowl Halftime Performer?

Posted on February 4, 2013

Who should perform during the halftime show at Super Bowl XLVIII? If there is any entertainment. According to the Washington Post, there might not be any halftime show because of cold weather. Super Bowl 48 is being played outdoors at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey on Feb. 2 2014. A snowy field, cheerleaders in sweat pants, a frigid Erin Andrews – all possibilities for the big game. I still believe there will be some sort of halftime show. Here are my guesses as who it could be and who I’d like to see.

Who Could It Be Now?

The musical acts usually have to one that rocks, rumps and stomps the stadium and television audience. Beyonce was a good example of this. Her and Destiny’s Child, or “Halftime Thighs” as I called it. So as talented as one might think he is, don’t expect Bon Iver to show up. Will they go the old white guy/gal/band route like recent years, e.g., The Who, Bruce Springsteen, Tom Petty, Madonna, Prince (old white guy at this point) and to some extent, U2? Personally I would have preferred M.IA. to the act she backed up, Madonna, but you saw what happened. She flipped off the audience, so Super Bowl producers would probably be afraid of what she’s capable of as a headliner. Besides, she’s not mainstream enough. They also like to go safe (Black Eyed Peas) after what happened with Janet Jackson’s boob. So who could it be now?

Justin Bieber – Mainstream, sure. But I think producers would agree with me that his appeal is mostlyl to girls in training bras who don’t watch the game.

Taylor Swift – Nice girl, and tall and leggy. But would she rock, rump, stomp the stadium? I don’t think so. She’s more of a National Anthem performer.

Bon Jovi – A “safe act.” Stadium band, old rock music, mainstream – I’d say they would be a good bet. New Jersey all the way.

Adele – She’s becoming more hip to people like the Super Bowl producers and will get even more exposure, if she even needs it, when she performs at the Oscars.

Fleetwood Mac – Personally, after Beyonce, I think they will stray from the old white guy (and girl – Stevie) bands. Nice placement of “Tusk” on The Americans, though.

Maroon 5 – Another Safe choice, mainstream up the ass, but more likely if the game was on NBC (it’s on Fox) because of Adam Levine’s show The Voice. A lot of viewers still wouldn’t know who these guys were. Some might think they were Train.

B-52s – Fun party band, pre-Black Eyed Peas, with songs still resonating with youths thanks to countless spins overplays at weddings. They’re most recent album from a few years ago was pretty good actually.

Lady Gaga – A good bet. They may be concerned she’d do something weird on stage but there is that New York connection which producers might go for.

Paul McCartney – He performed once (2005) but would also seem to make sense for a New York/Jersey appearance. I’d say this is a real good bet. Paul Simon would probably join him. Or McCartney could rock with the Nirvana guys, like he has recently.

How about thinking out of the box with this idea. It’s New York, it’s popular, it’s funny, it’s good.

It’s The Lonely Island. Andy Samberg, Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone and any number of guests like those they’ve used on Saturday Night Live. I think this is a genius idea and would be perfect for this Super Bowl. It has a chance to be the greatest halftime show ever.

Although highly unlikely, here are a few of my personal favorites to perform. Although like most other acts, I’d rather see and hear them in a different environment.

  • Hooverphonic
  • Depeche Mode
  • Tegan and Sara
  • Feist
  • Grimes (she showed she could rock stadium folk in her video for “Oblivion”)
  • Florence and the Machine

But probably my favorite choice, a band that could rock ass in that limited time frame, would be the Dropkick Murphys. Signed, sealed, and in blood.

 

Grimes could perform during the next Super Bowl halftime

Grimes brings Oblivion