Essays, Interviews, Observations, Pop Culture, Stories, and other Dodginess

Hey Trib, The Dodgy list was first – and better.

Posted on May 8, 2012

A week after I posted my own, the Chicago Tribune today had their own list of smart-alec ideas to replace the Marilyn Monroe statue on Michigan Avenue.

Mine were much better, more creative, and more interesting. So there.

Here are theirs. Followed by my reaction.

Macaulay Culkin – Jesus Christ.

Betty White – Give me a feckin’ break already with her. Enough.

Bjork – Totally out of the blue. My favorite choice from their lame list.

Rod Blagojevich – too easy. No creative thought put into this whatever.

Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake – Is anyone still talking about that?

Sorry Chicago Tribune, mine was first – and better. So Neh. The headline sounds assery of me, but I’m feeling assery.

Enough of that. Here is a random post from my Facebook page on Friday night when I did absolute shite.

“It’s Friday night and I’m watching Larry fuckin’ Crowne.”

And speaking of recent posts, just after I had a call-out for Sacha Baron Cohen to host SNL, guess who makes an appearance. And he did it as The Dictator, which I thought would have worked in a sketch or two. Seeing him on Weekend Update only reinforces how much he should host the entire show.

Can you stick around for the rest of the show?

Who should host Saturday Night Live

Posted on May 4, 2012

Mick Jagger is hosting the season finale of Saturday Night Live. Doesn’t exactly make me want to buy a round for the bar.

A few weeks ago Collider.com posted the news that Will Ferrell would be returning to host the episode prior to Mick’s.

At the time the finale host was unknown, and the poster posed a question. Who could top Ferrell?

Easy, I replied.

Sacha Baron Cohen.

Not only is it convenient because his “The Dictator” is coming out this month but he would incredibly awesome and perhaps even a little risque for SNL – but that’s what they need. No thank you, Channing Tatum.

I would love to see Sacha bring his Dictator character to a sketch, maybe even the opening monologue. And how cool would it be to re-visit his other characters like Ali G and Borat?

He’s my number 1. choice to host that damn show, one of these days.

Here are some of my other choices to host. I’m almost certain they never have. Let’s give Alec Baldwin a break next time and give one of these guys/gals a chance.

Denzel Washington – this would be a huge bucket of win.

Louis C.K. – maybe he can write the appearance in one of the episodes of his tv show.

Tom Cruise – proved he could do comedy and it would just be a little weird.

Christian Bale – just want to see him lighten up a bit. Ohhhhh, good for you!

Keira Knightely – just lovely and British.

Howard Stern – I think they’re afraid of him there. Howard’s old show used to kick SNL’s ass in the ratings, I believe.

Michael K. Williams – Omar from The Wire. Enough said. We’ve seen him do funny on Community. Hell, he was funny on The Wire.

Sarah Silverman – she used to be a bit player on the show. She’d bring ass, and kick it.

Host SNL, and do it now

Goodbye Marilyn, Hello…Mother of Dragons?

Posted on April 30, 2012

That statue of Marilyn Monroe on Chicago’s Michigan Avenue will be gone next week.

From the Trib article: “The arrival of Forever Marilyn caused a stir among local critics, with some arguing that groups of  onlookers taking pictures with her exposed legs was a throwback to sexist times.”

Oh my! Pictures with exposed legs! Is that not normal? I do that with the waitresses at Tilted Kilt every time I’m there.

Anyway. Like some others, I thought it was odd to have her statue there in the first place. Didn’t get the Chicago connection.

So I’ve come up with some replacement statues to stand in her soon-to-be former spot in Pioneer Square. Some have Chicago ties, some don’t (hey if they can do it with Marilyn, so can I, with others).

Fiona (Emmy Rossum), of Shameless.

Emmy Rossum as Fiona in Showtime's Shameless

Fiona, the feisty Chicago Irish gal taking care of the Gallagher clan on the city’s near west side. This Emmy deserves an Emmy, if not the statue.

The Cast of The League

The League on FX

It’s a kick-arse show and it takes place in Chicago. Shame on you if you haven’t seen it yet.

Al Bundy from Married with Children. Also set in Chicago. Or maybe you can have Kelly Bundy, wearing the Marilyn dress.

Brit Marling

Actress Brit Marling

Nothing to do with Chicago. But I adore this talented actress/writer and it’s an excuse to post her pic again.

Al Capone. Ok, this would never fly in a city trying to forget this kinda history. But you have to admit, it would draw tons of tourists. As long as his legs aren’t exposed.

Candyman. Even more dastardly than Mr. Capone. He ruled the Cabrini Green housing project with a hook for a hand.

Candyman

Jenny McCarthy. Cute actress (and famous mom now) from Chicago’s south side.

Daenerys “Dany” Targaryen. Her grace,  the Mother of Dragons from Game of Thrones.

Dany in Game of Thrones on HBO

Probably would be the most popular of them all. Throw her dragons in there too, for good measure.

And finally, Ferris Bueller. Obvious choice. Or the gang from The Breakfast Club.